The Pros and Cons of Reasonably Large Breasts

Circa 2011
Halfway into losing 30 lbs, and a few months before meeting Giann

Warning: The following entry may not be safe for children (or prudes!) due to the graphic nature of its artwork and content.  Viewer discretion is advised.

There was one redeeming factor that comforted me about my weight gain: breasts -and the wondrous swelling of them.

I’m obsessed with mine.  I like talking about them.  Touching them (Why? Because I can!) and watching them bounce ever so slightly when I walk.  I can’t help it.  I’m fascinated by the curious roundness they possess.  While most Banzon girls are blessed with bodacious bossoms, mine were never as big as they are now.  Another reason for this fixation is because I’m getting ready to lose them (it’ll be a slow process but still).  They disappear when I lose weight, and I want to be thin sooo bad.  Even at the expense of my beloved lady lumps.

It seems odd, perhaps even vulgar, to address my assets in such a manner.  But maybe it’s time someone ought to.  They’re just tits.  Why must we always shy away from the topic?  There’s really nothing to hide.  Everyone has them to some extent.  And yet the sexual connotations associated with these appendages (?) arouse the most unpleasant reactions.  But I’m not trying to be vulgar here.  Just honest.  As a writer, I always try to stand before you naked and without pretension.

Still, I know I’m exposing myself to potential backlash.  There are reasons why some things are considered taboo.  I can understand why this might inspire negative responses.  If I heard someone talking this way, part of me (the bitchy, lame part) will ask:

1. Why is she even talking about this?
2. What a weirdo.
3. She should get over herself.
4. Her boobs aren’t that big/great.
5. Ew.
6. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?

So let me preempt these volatile questions before continuing this entry.

1. Because I can -which seems to be my default answer for every inappropriate thing I do.  I find the topic intriguing because no one really talks about it.  I love shock value!  But I do try my best to achieve that with as much intelligence and charm as I can pretend to have.  And I always try to have a sense of humor about things, so try to have one too!  Besides, if you weren’t at least a teeny tiny bit interested in the subject matter as well, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.  Then again, I could be wrong…perhaps you’re here because you’re just looking for something to hate on.  In which case, wow.  I feel sorry for you.
2. I am.
3. I won’t.
4. I said they were reasonably large!  But yes they are great!  I’m proud of the Banzon Breasts.  Even if they aren’t huge, they’re still round and perky!
5. 😦
6. But this is fuuuunnnnnn!  And I want to spend my life doing fun things.

And yes, to preempt another possible attack: “Why are you being so defensive?”  I don’t know!  It’s the way I am.  I’m just bashful that way.

All my readers have been nothing but positive, and I thank them for that.  I just want to take precautionary measures when I tackle not-so-safe subjects.  People take things so seriously sometimes.  They’re so easily scandalized and offended they don’t realize that this is just for fun and that I don’t mean any harm by it.  Honest!

Now…Let’s continue then, shall we?  The proverbial gloves (and shirts) come off here.

The Pros and Cons of Having Reasonably Large Breasts

Since I’ve gone from a B to an A to a C (to a D during certain times of the month), I think I have the authority to discuss the differences between having small boobs and having reasonably large ones.  Here’s how mine have affected certain areas of my life in both positive and negative ways:

WORKING OUT

PROS
Fun to show off at the gym
I go to the gym to workout.  But meeting cute boys has become an added perk!  I usually just wear shorts and a big shirt, but when I’m hoping to bump into someone particularly interesting ba-bam! I bring my secret weapons out.  I have no choice!  It’s the only way I can distract him from my sweaty, gross self.

Of course…

Boobs make sweat look sexy
For me anyway.  Am I alone in this?  Cause I think it’s attractive when beads of sweat culminate on heaving breasts.  Even if those breasts happen to belong to me.

Perfect for swimsuits
How much more Baywatch can you get when you’ve got something to fill out that red one piece?
However…

CONS
Abs look better in bikinis
No one goes to the beach to show off their boobs!  They break out their bikinis to flaunt flat tummies!

They’re a hinderance to cardio
Even if you’ve got the Baywatch body, running becomes less pleasant.  You’ve got a weight on your chest holding you back.  Maybe that’s why these so-called lifeguards always run around in slow motion.  Plus!  I always worry about the bounce factor and how this could contribute to future sagging.

They get really sore!
During certain times of the month, breasts swell like crazy.  Mine do anyway.  They feel like watermelons about to explode -hard on the outside and full of water/air/I-don’t-know-what-basta-it’s-juicy on the inside.  This makes it really difficult to workout properly.  Not a fun experience!!  (Okay, it’s a little fun)

CONCERTS

PROS
They bounce to the music when you do
tee hee! :>

They also help you get a great spot on the mosh pit!
When you push your way to the front, people always give you this evil stare -like you’re committing the worst crime in the world even if everybody does it.  But guys seem to be a lot nicer when you’re a girl.  Especially when you’re a girl with reasonably large breasts.

CONS
Creepy stares
Which sometimes leads to butt pinching and people getting all over yo’ bizniz! Not cool!!

PARTIES

PROS
I have reason to believe they help get you:
Free Drinks
But I think that girls get this anyway, just for being girls.  So…I suppose this doesn’t really count.
More Action
If that’s what you’re looking for…I guess…
Extra attention
Hurray!

They also bounce to the music!

They distract people from your bad dancing
Yeah-yuh!

They help you look better in pictures
Clubbing is a great excuse to wear all your slutty clothes!  It would be a shame not to do so. You’ll look out of place in all the pictures.

CONS
None!  Now let’s PARTY!!!! 

IN GENERAL
Cause I’m too lazy to think of more scenarios

PROS
Fun to show off.  Period. 
Like in school (as long as you know how to avoid the D.O.), the mall, coffee shops, wherever it’s appropriate to wear low cut dresses (*cough* everywhere).

Boys like them
:>
And sometimes this helps get you better service and even free stuff! Bwahaha!

They make your waist look smaller
At the same time, a tiny waist makes your boobs look bigger in comparison.  Hurray! 😀

The prettiest bras are usually the c-cups!

CONS
They make you look chubs 😦
Especially when you wear big t-shirts.  So your fashion choices become limited.  Either show them off or risk looking bigger than you really are.

Old women will look at you with malice
It’s a Catch 22!  If you decide to flaunt them, people will judge you and stare at you like you’re a dirty, dirty slut 😦  At least that’s how I feel sometimes.  But I’m not a dirty slut at all!  I’m clean and only mildly flirtatious -if you can call what I do “flirting”.  I spend too much time looking for the cat that’s got my tongue to actually flirt with anyone properly.

The D.O. (Disciplinary Officer) is always on your case
So you always have to carry a sweater or something around if you don’t feel like coming to school in clothes that make you feel chubs.

They’re heavy
I mentioned this earlier, but I will say it again.  They literally weigh your chest down.

Constant fear of sagging
They’re fun now; but the bigger they are, the harder they fall -or in this case, the saggier they get.  Noooooooooooooooo!!!!  I want mine to be perky forever!

They’re made of fat
So usually you have to pick one or the other: be a curvy girl with nice tits or be fashionably thin.  Unfortunately, I want to be the latter.

Boyfriends want to hide them
Cause your lover will want them to be “for his eyes only”.  He won’t like other boys ogling at what’s meant to be his and his alone.  Which is sweet and all, but c’mon!  If you’ve got them, flaunt them!  It’s not like you’ll let anyone else touch them or anything gross like that.  He’s got private access (if you guys are at that point in your relationship).  No need to be so territorial.

People cut you up
They dismember you in a figurative sense.  All you are to them is a pair of tits because they’re too-narrow minded to see the whole picture.  You become dehumanized in the spirit of objectification.  Lame!

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